Then My World Was Shattered
by a-true-literati
Summary: "Hi, Dad," he said meekly. Kurt knelt softly in front of the grave he hadn't seen in the longest time. He hadn't been able to bear even the thought of coming back here. There was too much pain there, too much sorrow and regret.


**A/N: hey again :) this was a little story inspired by having a way over-active imagination, as well as my choir teacher who had us sing this song for our concert and thus being the source for this fic. once again, i had most of this already done, but then after having to do other stuff for a little while, i lost my mojo a bit. so after debating with myself on whether or not to work on this, i finally sat myself down and did not stop until i was done. i'm still a newbie at this, so i'm hoping it's not too horrible. well, here you go.**

**enjoy and take care :)**

**-erika**

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><p>Kurt was walking through the grass, following the neat rows of stones. He moved stiffly, his expression blank as he scanned the names and inscriptions, even though he knew exactly where the one he was looking for was. No matter how many years passed, that was one thing he would never forget.<p>

When he reached the one he was looking for, he faced it dead on and froze in his place. He shut his eyes tightly and braced himself for the emotions that were sure to flood him shortly. After a few minutes of gathering his courage and composure, he opened his eyes and glanced down at the engraved stone at his feet.

"Hi, Dad," he said meekly. Kurt knelt softly in front of the grave he hadn't seen in the longest time. He hadn't been able to bear even the thought of coming back here. There was too much pain there, too much sorrow and regret. But today, he felt that he needed to come, and that he owed it to his father.

In the time since Burt had died, so many things had changed. As the years passed by, Kurt had grown up, and all his dreams had come true. He had a job doing what he loved, and he had friends that remained by his side through high school, college, and beyond. Most importantly, he had the one man that he loved more than anything in this life, the one that made the tough times bearable and the good times ten times more enjoyable.

But through it all, there was always a piece missing. It was there once upon a time, but a long while had passed since its existence. His father had missed so much, and in order to evade the pain of his absence, Kurt had avoided thinking about all the memories that they had shared. Everything that they'd been through together.

Kurt had also avoided his grave. When his mother had died, he had used to come and visit her grave every year on her birthday. When his father died, he stopped going, because right next to where his mother rested was his father.

Kurt was flooded with thoughts of his father. Burt was all that he'd had left. It had been so long ago when he died, but he had still just been a child.

A child who had needed his father.

"I know I haven't come to see you in a while," Kurt said after kneeling in silence for a few moments. "I had planned to come and see you once it stopped hurting so much, but that never really happened," he said with an awkward grimace. He took a deep breath to start again. "A lot's happened since I last saw you," Kurt said, his somber look turning into a soft smile. "I graduated from McKinley with Blaine and Finn- I know, I was shocked that he passed too," Kurt said with a chuckle.

"I moved with Blaine and Rachel to New York for college, and we graduated. Rachel and I are living our dreams on Broadway, and Blaine is one of the most popular singer-songwriters out there. And a few years back, Blaine and I… well, we got married," Kurt whispered quietly, his previous smile slipping into a frown. His eyes watered slightly, thinking of how the happiest day of his life had been tainted with the slightest bit of sadness. "I had thought of coming to visit you then, but knowing that you wouldn't be there to see me get married, that you wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle… it tore me apart," Kurt continued brokenly, the sorrow quickly threatening to overtake him.

"You have no idea how much I wanted you to be there, Dad," Kurt whispered, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. "I wanted you there so badly, and it just hurt so much when I realized that you couldn't be. That's why I didn't come, and why I haven't come here since. But now, I needed to see you," Kurt said, trying to regain some of his composure.

Once he had gathered himself enough, he continued speaking. "Long story short, Dad… you're a grandfather," Kurt said softly, his smile watery as he looked at his father's grave. "You have no idea how incredible she is. She was only born a few hours ago, and she's just absolutely… _perfect_. She's so small and pink and just… it amazes me that she's mine, ours…" He looked down, anxiety flaring in the middle of his chest as he thought that over. It was why he'd decided to come here in the first place.

Kurt grew more anxious as time passed, and as it began to consume him, he expressed his concerns to his father's presence. It was as close as he'd ever get. "I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be a _father_, Dad. This little girl… she's going to depend on me. She's going to look up to me, and I'm going to have to take care of her. I'm in charge of making sure she's safe and happy and healthy… and I just don't know how to _do_ that. I have to raise her and teach her right from wrong and make sure she gets a good education and, God, how did you do it? How did you bring me up by yourself, how did you manage to shape me into a good person? How did you do it?" Kurt shook as he rambled on, his doubts becoming his sole focus.

He calmed his breathing in an attempt to slow his rapidly beating heart, but to no avail. His self-control was cracking, as did his voice when the fears and doubts began creeping up his throat. His voice quieted to a whisper as his determination to remain calm diminished. "I'm just so scared of screwing this up, Dad. I want her to have everything in the world. I'm just so scared of being a bad father for her…"

At that moment, the anger and pain made itself known again, flaring up in his mind. If his father was there, he wouldn't be freaking out so much. He would talk with him, and Burt would assure him that he would be an incredible father to his daughter. That she was lucky to have him as one of her parents. That Burt had faith in him and loved him. That he would be there for Kurt if he needed help or guidance.

But none of those things were said to him.

Because Burt _wasn't_ there.

Now, more than ever, Kurt needed his father. He needed wisdom and guidance and faith, and Burt wasn't there to give it to him. The desperation for that impossible dream wore down on the last remaining pieces of Kurt's sanity.

"I need your help, Dad. I don't know how to _do_ this. Please, I just need your help, Daddy…" Kurt trailed off as the tears rushed quickly down his cheeks.

Kurt was overwhelmed with the thoughts of his father. They were quickly consuming every fiber of his being, and he needed to let the emotions out before they destroyed him completely. Softly, he started to sing a song that had never meant more to him than in that moment.

_You were once my one companion_

_You were all that mattered_

_You were once a friend and father_

_Then my world was shattered_

As soon as he had started singing, Kurt had begun to slowly break down. The emotions were getting to him, the pain of it all seeping into his voice.

The sound was so beautifully heartbreaking.

_Wishing you were somehow here again_

_Wishing you were somehow near_

_Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed_

_Somehow you would be here_

The tears ran down his face relentlessly. There was no point in trying to stop them anymore.

_Wishing I could hear your voice again_

_Knowing that I never would_

_Dreaming of you won't help me to do_

_All that you dreamed I could_

Remembering how much faith his father had in him made him cry even harder. Burt believed in his son's dreams, and there was no doubt in his mind that Kurt would accomplish so much in his lifetime. He knew that Kurt would make his mark on the world. But Burt never got to see it happen. And he never would.

_Passing bells and sculpted angels_

_Cold and monumental_

_Seem for you the wrong companions_

_You were warm and gentle_

Kurt glanced at his surroundings through his blurred vision. This wasn't right. He shouldn't have to be here. His father should not be here.

All that Kurt wanted was one more moment. Just one last moment to share with the man who had loved him because and in spite of everything. Who had taught him everything about how to live life.

Was that too much to ask?

_Too many years fighting back tears_

_Why can't the past just die_

_Wishing you were somehow here again_

_Knowing we must say goodbye_

_Try to forgive teach me to live_

_Give me the strength to try_

He would give anything for it to just stop _hurting_ so much. No matter how much time passed, it still hurt as much as it had in the beginning. Why couldn't it just stop _hurting_?

_No more memories no more silent tears_

_No more gazing across the wasted years_

_Help me say goodbye_

He slumped to the ground then, his head dropping to his chest. He was gripping the headstone tightly, his knuckles turning an even paler white than they usually were.

His father was gone for good. Even after all these years, he still couldn't believe it was true.

He didn't _want_ to believe it.

_Help me say goodbye…_

The sobs finally took charge as the song's ending trailed off, wracking Kurt's body with everything that they had. Kurt curled in on himself to try and stop from falling apart, his hand still grasping the gravestone.

Shortly after he had given in to his pain, Kurt heard footsteps behind him, but he was too far gone to acknowledge them.

"Oh, Kurt…" Blaine whispered sadly at seeing the one he loved so broken. Blaine walked slowly towards where Kurt was slumped, and sank to the ground next to him.

Blaine carefully took him into his arms, tucking Kurt's head under his own and caressing it gently. His other arm was wrapped carefully but firmly around Kurt's torso, rubbing his back steadily in what he hoped was a soothing manner. Blaine was doing everything he could to try to dull the pain that Kurt was feeling, even though nothing would ever really be able to do that.

"He should be here, Blaine! Why isn't he here…" Kurt snapped brokenly, weeping into Blaine's chest. "He needs to be here…"

"I know, Love. I know," Blaine whispered quietly back to the crying man in his arms. Blaine held him tightly until the sobs subsided, Kurt's tears slowing. Blaine lifted his head and kissed him lightly on the lips, before moving to kiss away the tears on his cheeks.

"He loves you, Kurt," Blaine said softly into Kurt's hair, resting him back against his chest.

"Then why isn't he here?" Kurt pleaded, as if by doing so his father would somehow magically appear.

Blaine sighed sadly, struggling to find the right words to comfort him. He knew no words would ever truly make it okay. "You know he'd be here if he could. But life just didn't want it to be that way."

Kurt couldn't even answer him. He was too tired, too upset with everything that he was feeling.

Blaine did his best to calm Kurt down, and did so for the most part. After a few minutes of serene quiet, Blaine spoke again. "We should get going, Love. We still have some papers to sign at the hospital, and then we get to take our_ daughter_ home," Blaine suggested tentatively in Kurt's ear, kissing it as he pulled back to look Kurt in the eyes. The pain that had been so visible in his eyes before had lessened quite a bit, and Kurt's gaze was more focused as he looked up at Blaine.

"Alright," Kurt whispered back, a ghost of a smile gracing his tear-stained face.

They both rose slowly, knowing that even though the worst was over, the situation was still very fragile. They stood in front of the grave, merely looking at the inscription written there.

_Here rests one of the most loving and accepting people that ever graced this world._

_Although no longer in body, always in spirit._

Kurt felt tears prick at his eyes once more, but knew that none would fall. He had no tears left to shed.

Blaine grabbed his hand, squeezing it softly to get his attention. "I'll go bring the car around, alright?" Blaine said quietly, looking into his eyes and smiling softly at Kurt, receiving a small smile in return. He kissed his forehead swiftly before leaving Kurt alone, knowing that he needed a final moment to say goodbye.

Once Blaine had disappeared behind a grouping of trees, Kurt turned back to his father's resting place. He knelt down once more in front of the grave, placing both hands on top and closing his eyes tightly.

"I miss you, Dad. I miss you more than anything. And I would give everything I have for you to be here right now… but that won't happen. No matter how much I want it to," Kurt said solidly, trying to somehow convey his feelings to his father, wherever he was. "I love you, Daddy. I always will."

Kurt rose to his feet, gently brushing off the dirt from his pants. He rested his hand on his father's grave one last time.

With a final glance, he turned around slowly and walked away, leaving behind all that was left of the person who was once his world.

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><p><strong>AN: not too awful i'm hoping? i'd appreciate feedback, if you're willing to offer some. review please, if you feel so inclined :)**

**PS: a quick note on the continuation of my other fic, The Soundtrack of Our Lives. I indeed have decided to continue it with first a Blaine-parallel, and then at least one chapter where they coincide. i'm also not opposed to writing certain things from the past(like The Fight), or even the future with this verse, if any of you have things you'd like to see that i might not completely cover in what i have planned already. let me know what you'd like to see and you're thoughts on my current plan :)**


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